In the Dark

Goodreads recommended this, and the title sounded very interesting...

But I was expecting something else. I had heard an interview with the author on the radio, and it sounded interesting. Honestly, with a title like Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, I was expecting some really interesting drunk stories. What I learned was that drunk stories really aren't all that interesting, and that was exactly what the author's message was.

That isn't to say that this was a boring book--rather, it was a memoir about recovery, not about the glory of drinking. And, in fact, the author explicitly addresses what a problem it is that our culture glorifies drinking, especially as a way to "free" or empower women. Rather than simply detailing the many times she reached the bottom of a wine bottle, the author gets to the bottom of this complicated relationship between American culture and alcohol.

And this worked, as I was hoping to find a book that clearly connected to the school's Health, Wellness, Fitness, and Sports theme for summer reading, and this definitely fit the bill for health and wellness...in that this memoir detailed how not well the author was and what it took to make her both physically and mentally healthy again.

In fact, I found the scientific explanations she gave for things to be some of the most interesting parts of the book. She spoke to Aaron White, an expert on blackouts, and learned that "it's not the type of drink you put to your lips, it's the amount of alcohol in the blood and how quickly you get to that level. Fragmentary blackouts start at a blood-alcohol content around .20, while en bloc blackouts start around .30." And because women are smaller and metabolize alcohol more slowly, it takes less to put them in the dangerously drunk zone. Oh, and when people black out, it's because their brain is essentially being poisoned to the point that it can't work to form memories, which apparently is why drunk people sound like a broken record, since they can't remember what they told you 5 minutes ago. So, I liked how this book dispelled the myths about how "awesome" it is to be drunk--without it sounding preachy. After all, this woman lived that scene for decades.

I found the introduction "Women Who Drink," to speak to the conflict that many modern young women face when presented with the choice to drink--or the choice to do much of anything.

I drank to drown those voices [...] I wanted the same freedom from internal conflict that my male friends seemed to enjoy. So I drank myself to a place where I didn't care, but I woke up a person who cared enormously.

I think this speaks to many women and girls, who want to "Let it go" and shed their inhibitions, but think that they cannot do it without a chemical fix. However, there is a notion that alcohol excuses actions or consequences, and Hepola does a great job showing that those consequences are rarely really ignored, and that they do add up, especially in regards to sex. (Yes, there is sex in the book...and curse words. I'd argue the minimal details about sex help further the author's point about the problems with judgment when drinking--and the reasons many women drink. I can't defend the cursing except to say its the author's chosen voice.)

This was also an interesting "writer" story, as Hepola explored the difficulties of writing and the literary "tradition" of alcohol abuse: "I became, as Irish author Brendan Behan once said, 'a drinker with a writing problem.'" The fear of judgment that is inherent in writing is shown through the lens of someone who wrote a great deal for online content, where the comments section empowers "any random dude with a Tumblr account" to take people down.

What I liked about the book, aside from the author's straightforward style, the messages about female empowerment, and the unsentimental way she wrote, was the theme: health comes from being unafraid to be yourself. So many of her bad choices tied back to fear, and so, perhaps, in telling her story, more women and men can learn to be brave--and healthy.

Happy reading!